It's been a bit of a chore for my wife and I as well. Here are my notes so far:
The seat memory settings are controlled by two separate and parallel systems. The first is the driver profile in the infotainment screen. The second is the button on the driver door. Both need to be maintained if you're still adjusting seat positions. If something gets messed up you can use the other as a backup.
I couldn't quite tell how you're saving the door button settings but you hold the Set button and then press the 1 or 2 button. It should beep to confirm. There's a couple threads on here that say you need to enable this function though by jogging the seat all the way forward and all the way up. I didn't need to but others have it sounds like. The driver profile seat settings get saved automatically every time you turn off the car.
There are two important events that you need to keep track of - unlocking the car and turning the car off. When you unlock the car it chooses seat settings from the door buttons and chooses a driver profile to load. Theoretically this gets overridden by your smart phone pairing and/or the facial recognition. In my experience though 99% of the time the unlock controls the profile. If your wife unlocks the car from the passenger door it will load the wrong profile. If you never lock the car and therefore never unlock the car it will just load whatever the last profile was.
The second important event is turning off the car. Every time you turn it off it records the current seat position to whatever driver profile is active in the infotainment. If the seat is set for you but for whatever reason the infotainment is using your wife's profile it will override her seat settings when you turn off the car. This is where you should use the door buttons as a backup so the driver profile can be fixed next time she drives.
This has been something we've needed to constantly keep in mind but we've settled in to a rhythm that's not too hard.